Layout Credits
Font Magic   Angelic Trust   Insomniac Brushes   Anti-Brush

About Layout
An overly colourful image of the Congress building, Washington DC, courtesy of my faulty, rusted camera. Editing done in Photoshop 6 and coded with the help of FrontPage because I'm a lazy bum.

My current imood

archive
flair
beyond
powered by pitas

fallacy || serena
viva forever || belinda
solace || fiona

moved
Sunday, December 14, 2003 06:50 p.m.

to here ^^ and changed the title to "insouciance" instead...



sense of achievement ^0^
Thursday, December 11, 2003 09:31 p.m.

After nearly a year of not touching my colouring pencils, except that time when I drew this for a friend's graduation book, I've finally decided that just sketching lots of pictures was a poor substitute for practice..especially since my colouring skills are so deficient and restrictive...I want a good graphics tablet!!!! *Wails*

So, this is the sum of my efforts of the past 3 days, an intermittent progress because of the irritating need of hiding my artbook from the prying eyes of parents. My parents have a problem with me drawing anime-styled ^shrug^ But it's about the only style I can do.

The picture was drawn on my very old A3 artbook, from year 8, if I recall correctly ^0^ It was coloured in pencil, because I'm indolent to a fault and can't CG even if my life depended on it. The double scanning and linking job still turned out a grubby line in the middle, which probably wouldn't have been such an eyesore if I didn't mention it. My scanner has a temperamental way with scans and like to "Intelligence Scan" things so that the pictures skew approximately 30 degrees to horizontal, depending on time of day, day of week, etc etc. After I put it through photoshop, I decided to run it through 3 filters - Paint Daubs, Cutout (which did nothing good, in my opinion v__v), and Rough Pastels, thus the runny, canvas-y look it didn't have, and the smoother colouring than it originally was.

Picture is of Sigmund and Vivrael (from my story ^^; is one of weird people who draws pictures of own characters)...nothing bondage-like or remotely yaoi-like, despite the handcuffs and protectiveness. It just so happened that after I drew Sigmund, I saw I had enough space to fit another person, but no one else could fit naturally in that space O__o; Is currently particularly pleased with every picture I've drawn so far of Sigmund (not many, 4) and hopes that streak continues.

PS: Don't steal! Not that anyone would want to, but for once I finished and am happy with it.

PPS: Would love comments ^^ Self-critique can only take place after I've lost my attachment to the amount of effort I put in, so I won't be noting any problems until possibly 6 months later ^^;



part ii of "recently read..."
Wednesday, December 10, 2003 08:15 p.m.

Just had dinner ^0^ Although that's a minor detail no one needed to know.

After the HSC, I went to library and said, "Right, I'm going to get books I know I won't get depressed over."

And since I was lucky, and I wasn't one of the people who rushed out to buy this book when the movie came out a few years ago(?), I borrowed Bridget Jones's Diary. I was actually rather disappointed with it, much like what happened when I watched The Matrix (1st one). I mean, I can see why it's liked, but my expectation from all the hype was so high that when I read it, I was expecting to laugh all the way through it...well, it didn't make me laugh quite as much as So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, which I also borrowed at the same time...ah, I think I prefer cynical humour from the likes of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. Also my attitude towards dating (what attitude?) is so different from Bridget's I find her efforts...more pathetically embarrassing than laughable.

I picked up, a while ago, Krondor : The assassins from the reject bin at the library, so I decided to revisit that particular series and browsed through Silverthorn and a few of his later books. Feist's books are always charmingly relaxing to read, and I preferred it that way, that's why I only read about 2 pages in The Rise of the Merchant Prince and something demon king (eeh, forgot..didn't read it). Jimmy (or Duke James, all of a sudden) dies in that book, and I think sometimes stories are better off ended, rather than continuing on past several generations, and you are told unnecessary details of how your favourite characters grow old and fat and finally drop dead. But really. The original set of characters were all likeable and unique, but once it got on to The King's Buccaneer I was skipping whole chapters because I didn't like the characters I was forced to read about....

Apart from Feist, I also revisited Sara Douglass (ugh, don't ask) - Beyond the Hanging Wall. It was actually okay, better than Douglass-standard (ie. Axis, DragonStar...wtf!). The Wayfarer's Redemption really got on my nerves near the end of that trilogy. Draco turned, overnight each time, from a cold misogynist, into a grovelling coward, into a reconciled brother, into G.O.D...or as it appeared, Adam. It was stupid, stupid!! And he ran off with Faraday, who was his father's lover, wtf??? I really didn't like that book. It was a terribly contrived piece of writing, where you could tell that Douglass overdramatised and ultimately stereotyped Draco's personality changes; and that it had been done for personal gratification (writers do that you know..like Clamp, I bet they have a fetish with torturing little boys with large eyes and black hair). With Axis it was okay, because he's always been "the rightful king", all self-righteous and, well, Lysaer-like, actually, but Draco started off having potential, and dwindled, and UGH UGH UGH. It's like Yuu Watase but worse! And I realise I detract from my main object of discussion. Beyond the Hanging Wall was, to my relief, consistent. But apart from that...well, its plot wasn't exactly original, and apart from Drava/Menteceros (that's not spelt right, I'm sure), who was one amusing Dream God, no character was memorable.

Also picked up Peril's Gate, book 3 or 6 of...whatever it's called (it's 2 trilogies, but running on from each other), by Janny Wurts. I'd LOVE to read the 1st book!!!! I still can't find it anywhere!!! I started at the 2nd book, which really hooked me because Arithon was just cool. And angsty. And I just love angsty, dark-haired, bishounens on whose shoulders the fate of the entire world lies (*cough* Kamui *cough*) But really...by the time I got to the 4th book I started to get a little frustrated. While it's all very nice reading about Arithon getting variously speared, poled, lashed, whipped, shot, what-have-you, it's starting to sound a little like a Clamp-styled sadistic indulgence. While he's an amazing character, given his weaknesses, to survive under that sort of prejudice which drives an entire continent against him, it's really FRUSTRATING to read about that THICK-skulled ASS of a brother, Lysaer, and his underlings. The book's a particularly interesting lesson about prejudice: I don't think I've read another book that has empathised so well the claustrophobic bitterness of being judged against with heavy bias. But the obvious plot ploy at the end of book 3 - to prolong the lives of Arithon and Lysaer indefinitely until the Mistwraith's curse is lifted on them, or something to that effect - was very, very disappointing. It was nothing short of a "let's make Arithon suffer and suffer and suffer until I run out of plot to write about". However, Wurts is captivating as a writer, and I enjoy reading her stories, despite that angst oozes so readily out of the pages I could fill a swimming pool with the first 2 trilogies. It's Rice without the sensuality...and Clamp but less sadistic...decorated with impressive language and brilliant characterisation (sort of like Carmody, but less schizophrenic =P). Recently also read her Stormwarden, which is an earlier work. Her characters remain likeable and distinguished, and I like the pace at which her stories progress.



manga reading
Wednesday, December 10, 2003 04:45 p.m.

I've been catching up with reading for the last few weeks...really the only excuse I can give for the neglect of, just about everything else ^-^;; This post is going be broken into 2 sections so it looks like I did more than I did. Yes. O__o;

Finally completed Penguin Brothers, thanks to #grandline (Manga-Downloads). It's hard not to wish for a more fulfilling ending. The editorial (for unknown reasons) obviously wanted to wrap the story up much faster than Ayumi Shiina could make it (in her freetalk, she said she was in tears trying to fight for more pages). The characters were very likable - I rarely say that for shoujo heroines, but Hina was a very strong and outgoing girl, moreso I think, than Tsukino from Hana Yori Dango, to which Penguin Brothers bore a very close resemblance. You could argue that Nishizaki had a personality similar to Doumyouji, and Isshiki was like Rui. I think it was more believable for a character like Hina to bring about the changes to the school, and it would have been very interesting to see more developments in the plot (Ayumi Shiina referred to one of the black girls as a planned villain, and more development for the vice students president...but they were all scrapped). The ending was inevitably too abrupt: I can believe the reconciliation of Nishizaki with Isshiki (since Nishizaki's always a more open character) but I find Isshiki's decision to become independent a bit...too sudden - but I guess if things were stretched out a bit more, ie. if we witnessed Isshiki's improvement as Hina begins to regain her memories, then it would all make sense.

But what struck me most in the last lengthy chapter was the similarity of Isshiki to one of my characters, Sigmund ^-^; Admittedly, I did base Sigmund on a character from manga - referencing from Akito (Kodocha), but he had emerged more like Isshiki. They are both cold, impeccable characters, who excel in everything...including hacking, but what caught my eye in the last chapter was Isshiki's background: like Sigmund, he was ostensibly the son of a wealthy father, but in reality was an abused child of adultery.

That said, I was a bit confuzzled by the treatment Isshiki received from his mother: why would the mother hate her child too? If the mother had a child from an affair, wouldn't she be feeling more guilty than hateful towards her own son, and she would redirect the resentment towards the bastard child from her husband's side, Nishizaki? Hmm...maybe I got the mothers confused? Anyway, I really like Shiina as a mangaka. A few of the Ribon mangakas are breaking out of the traditional romantic manga heroine that is stupid, stupid and Miaka-like, which means stupid. People like Ayumi Shiina, Azuki Ryo, Miho Obana and Arina Tanemura (all Ribon) are all writing stronger, more believable heroines, who actually deserve the praise they get from the other characters v__v Unlike Miaka. I have a major grudge against Miaka.

After that, because I was over-compulsive, I went to Kinokuniya with Serena and bought the first volume of Diabolo (it's being scanlated by Lavender Tinted...although I haven't read the scanlations) and the last volume of Andante. Diabolo looked...interesting. The art is quite nice, although a bit generic. It's about two boys, Rai (who reminds me of Hakkai from Saiyuki) and Ren (who reminds me of Hisoka from Yami...but possibly - hopefully - less angsty), who lost their cousin when younger, and struck a deal with the demons in order to find her. The deal dictated that at the age of seventeen their bodies will begin morphing towards that of a demon's, and so during this transitional period, Rai and Ren received superhuman powers. However, recognising the malicious nature of the demons, and regretting the deal, the two of them scour the cities both for their lost cousin and for others susceptible to the manipulations of the demons. They promise each other that should one begin losing their human heart, the other will kill him so that they could die in human form. Yes...it's all very angsty and all and it's nothing impressive so far, given the hundreds of angsty, demon-related stuff out there.

The ending to Andante was rather wistful. I think even though Natsu and Melvina did eventually end up together, despite that it was an incestuous relationship, there was something very sweet about it. I don't think it would have worked out any other way, and you do end up thinking that Natsu will one day return to the music world, better and more mature than he was. There's also something very wistful about their retreat, the enigmatic fame they enjoy, Mei's wish to reach them through music, and the very role of music being the only bond that could repair their tattered relationship. I did have a problem of Miho Obana's rather...strange impression of Australia. She's somehow convinced that Japan is markedly warmer than Australia...

Recently also began reading Black Cat. The art's nice XD (Okay, I'm a glutton for nice art =P) It looks interesting so far, and will certainly be able to stretch to 20 volumes. If you like the tone of Rurouni Kenshin (shounen, not perverted, with a central plot and quite a bit of action, sad past, assassins...) you might like this, although the futuristic setting and the plot are very much different. While Train Heartnet is the main character, I also like how there isn't a subversive stance on women...female characters aren't as marginalised or given such degrading roles as often happens in shounen. I'm not a big reader of shounen, but I really enjoy this one. I always lean towards any non-perverted, non-over-gruesome shounen anyway ^^

Other manga's I've read recently include Zettai Kareshi and Fushigi Yuugi Genbu, both by Yuu Watase. No, don't cringe yet. Zettai Kareshi looks very promising; I think Yuu Watase is moving away from her Miaka/Aya + Tamahome/Touya days into better main characters. Riiko (Zettai) and Alice (Alice 19th) are both quite likeable characters, comparatively to Yuu Watase standards of course. I wouldn't choose them over other shoujo heroines like Hina or Sana XD Most of Watase's main characters end up with a Tamahome lookalike, so I don't have very high hopes for Night getting together with Riiko, although he's one kickass main character, if he is that. Watase always have - to be fair, I'll say "had" - very, very likeable side characters, and I'm hoping she learns to put that into her main characters too. As for FY Genbu, so far only one chapter has come out, so I can't comment much, but really, the girl doesn't look much different from Miaka! But you can't have a Tamahome lookalike this time, RIGHT?????

I also bought Fruits Basket volume 12 (eesh, I'm such a compulsive buyer .__.) Furuba has been getting darker and darker, and well, I think the mangaka is doing a little Clamp stringing-along thing that is getting rather frustrating. What with the "once out of school Kyou will...." and "all the zodiacs are destined...." and "the curse is....." and "the way to break the curse is..." and "Tooru you are...." followed by an enigmatic smile and "Don't worry". ARGH!!!

I can't believe I actually wrote all that .__.



aftershock?
Monday, November 17, 2003 10:37 p.m.

What's the correct medical term for having nightmares of the HSC after you've done them? The wonderful sleep of the last two nights were disturbed by horrifying images of myself failing bio and physics all over again T___T I dreamt that I in the last 10 minutes or so of bio, I still had three 6 mark questions left over and I wasn't going to finish....and everyone finishes in bio. Then I dreamt about physics...which was slightly better.... I have the feeling I dreamt about something else too, but I forgot it, and I wonder if that's a good thing?

Well, here's a major plug to our new domain ^0^ Nothing's there yet =P but it's a major plug anyway....click here!!. DON'T turn up your speakers and do look through the pages, we spent copious amounts of effort on the elegance of it....haha =P



i am alive!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, November 9, 2003 01:42 a.m.

Okay, here's the PROPER celebratory 'yay'.

YAY



Okay, that was really gay.

But yes it's over (for me), and now I'm left with this emptiness =P I'm too drained to start working on any of my planned projects - I want to finish Next Assignment...about 2/3 of way through; get through more of translating Wu Lin Wai Shi: currently only 2 chapters are done; start that project with Serena, who is still existing in limbo currently..where are you???? Reply my email!!! and some work on websites; and READ. I feel so deprived of it!!!

So how did chem and english go you ask? Terrible. Ugh. Chem was...calculation, 6 mark question, calculation, 5 mark question, calculation...etc. English..aish, I don't know. the questions were beyond what I had planned for, so it was all fluff.

I don't think I sounded as excited as I should -___- but heck to that. I'm going to go make a wishlist for xmas now XD h0h0h0~


yes, i'm still out of it



hsc is over
Friday, November 7, 2003 05:11 p.m.

« insert long rant of happy delirium »

sorry, too tired now to rant away about the milestone that today was and do it justice...... i shall complete this entry when i have recovered my energy after at least 14 hours of deep, deserving sleep -________-.zZ

but most importantly, welcome back life...i have missed u so much *huggles*



biology
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 01:53 p.m.

8 marks - a bunch of people get sick from lead poisoning, but you're not supposed to know it's lead poisoning. Now, write an essay on how you might find out that it's lead poisoning, but don't tell us that it's lead poisoning.

7 marks - write everything you know about gene cloning.

6 marks - just because the syllabus doesn't specify you have to know the impact of the identification of the double helix of the DNA model on current research, write about it anyway.

5 marks - you did some research. Tell us how you did it and justify that you did it properly.

4 marks - we like models in biology. Why?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE SCIENCES THIS YEAR???? What happened to the 40 pages of notes I tried to cram yesterday???? Only about 2 pages were tested!!!

I'm now going to go off and write that 10.1x101 things to do to a HSC exam setter. Maybe after I fail chemistry. And english.



physics
Saturday, November 1, 2003 04:27 p.m.

The physics paper I did yesterday was possibly one of the stupidest physics paper I've ever done. In fact, I don't think "stupidest" is even a word. (What has that got to do with anything?)

While it wasn't hard as such, well..given what could have been learnt after 7 hours of intense cramming - might I mention, I have learnt more in those 7 hours than I have in the entire year. Yes, now I actually understand WHY Einstein occupied his time with trains and mirrors, and WHY mass had to increase with increasing velocity, WHY you can't reach a speed of beyond c, and HOW he came up with E=mc2. The fact that this happened of course...well, I suppose a third of it was the teacher's problem with explanations, and the other two-thirds my own problem of not studying, but let's not dwell on that XD

Anyway, coming back to the physics exam, it was almost entirely data processing...calculations where they almost told you what formulae to equate and use, and every now and then, some knowledge recall. We decided only a guy could come up with stupid questions like "Write everything you know about nuclear reactions for 8 marks" or "Evaluate everything you know Einstein did for 6 marks" or "Write about an experiment (which, incidentally, we SO did not do!!) for 5 marks"...There was very little requirement of actual understanding of physical concepts. Basically, nothing that couldn't be crammed in 3 hours.

A lot of physicists didn't even get a mention, and a lot of theory and major points were discarded in favour of little things like "Can you add 2/3 and -1/3 and -1/3 together?" There was nothing substantial on Maglevs, transistors/diodes/thermionic devices, photocells, Manhattan project, re-entry of space shuttles....And a great deal of very important physicists were...marginalised: Planck (for both space and quantum theory), Pauli, Heisenberg, Hertz (there was 1 mark ~~;), Rydberg/Balmer, Chadwick, Davisson and Germer, de Broglie, the Braggs, Lenard, Rutherford, Fermi...I mean seriously, what is Ideas to Implementation without the mention of these scientists???? Wasn't the whole POINT of that particular module to recognise the role of research and experimentation on the development of physics theory???? And really, 6 marks for Einstein...you could talk about his contribution to Special Theory of Relativity for 6 marks if you go into depth on time dilation and the rest. And what was it..standard model? 3 marks on whether you can add numbers up *kick*

Aish...next is biology. Hope they don't forget to mention at least the role of Edward Jenner and the elimination of smallpox from the world population *shakes head*



only halfway through
Wednesday, October 29, 2003 03:29 p.m.

Ugh. Maths. Screwedness. So dead.

English "advanced" paper 1: change is inevitable inconceivable unstoppable uncontrollable ongoing traumatic interesting recurring cyclic timeless primitive chaotic and we as victims of change are powerless pathetic and on the waves of "the waters that bear me away forever" ech

English "advanced paper 2:
module a - cram cram cram cram and managed to memorise an entire 800 essay in one and a half hours ^0^v
module b - so engrossed in preparing for module a I forgot to study for it and was forced to make up all the points for post-modernism - umm....it is timeless because it is a postmodern text and it's a postmodern text because....ummm...it doesn't make sense?
module c: "truth is never simple" *insert 700 word essay that has nothing to do with question* "er, did I mention that truth is--?" Examiner: "Pens down!!"

Mathematics:
before going in - "It's only 2U maths...I mean, what can they do?"
reading time - "question 1...evaluation, okay. Q2, Q3..Q4...hmm damn, thought I didn't need to think..Q5, Q6, Q7..ugh..what's the formula for this again? Q8..Q9....!!!!!! Isn't circles 3U????!!! ...Q10...................A 20cm x 5 cm big chunk of surds...!!!!!" *topples off chair*
during the exam - "punch punch calculator stupid calculator why aren't you working i knew i shouldn't have lost my calculator a month before the hsc argh and i don't know how to use this one and i'm resistant to chaaaaaange...nooo!!"
almost end of exam - "prove? what do you mean prove? this equals that because it just does!!!!" *skips 20 steps in proving* "a = b because it just is!!! nooo only 10 more minutes left until i finish proving this next chunk...!!!"
after coming out - *speechless*

Mathematics "extension" 1:
before going in - "i'mgonnafaili'mgonnafaili'mgonnafail...." friend says: "my tutor told me that a 3U student is expected to get full marks for questions 1 - 4" i faint
during exam - "i'mgonnafaili'mgonnafaili'mgonnafail...."
mathematical induction - "i'm gonna be very careful and not get the sign wrong" *gets the sign wrong* *spends next 20 minutes trying to figure out where i went wrong* *finally fixes it and looks at the time...WHAT???"
after exam - *counting up marks* i think i passed by ...1 mark? T____T
on the train - physics physics physics! theory of relativity! rutherford's crappy model! fermi's funny eyes! thomson's spinning electrons! hertz's radio waves!
gets back home - bludge.......-______-

As you can see, I'd be lucky to get over 95 for UAI *cries* I have used up half a pen in the 9 hours of exams that I had just done; written in 23 booklets and at least 70 different pages; filled in my number at least 50 times....and I still have another 11 hours to go in the next 9 days!! ARGH!!!



H.S.C
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 11:17 p.m.

= I'mscrewedimscrewedimscrewedimscrewedimscrewedimscrewed .........*cries*



Quiz results:
I am like...
 Anime girl: Miyu (VPM)
 Bishounen: Kira Sakuya
 Anime cliche: Hard-headed girl
 Mystical creature: Phoenix
 X 1999: Arashi Kishyuu
 Yuu Yuu Hakusho: Kurama
 Harry Potter: Harry Potter ~~;
 Magic girl: Marron Kusakabe
 Obernewtyn: Elspeth
 Tortall Character: Alanna
 Legend of Basara: Sarasa
 Inuyasha: Kikyou
If I were a...
 Tarot card...Wheel of Fortune
 flower...moonflower
 magical being...mage
 a Greek God...Morpheus
 season...winter
 Misfit...Empath-Healer
 an element...fire
 precious gem...sapphire
 mystical creature...dark unicorn
My Enneagram is...s 5w6 o 7w8